he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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