Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
