My room smells like vodka and shame
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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