Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
