conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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