He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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