i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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