Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
pop tarts are not kleenex
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
