i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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