Only a mothe r could love this liver
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
