Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
