thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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