i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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