Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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