her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
