Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
