So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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