Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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