he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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