I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
