At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
