i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
