me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
