You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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