she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
