I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
