mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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