So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
