I'm laying in your front yard are you home
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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