Just cropdusted the office
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
