The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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