There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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