I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
