why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
