My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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