I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I understand Curling. That high.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
