Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need to sanitize my soul.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
