dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
