i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
