there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
