I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
