this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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