btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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