Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
