So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
