Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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