Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
