I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
