honey bunches of taint.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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