marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
