We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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